I had this once asked of me whilst working at my last school by a child with ASD. I had make up on and this is a big change as normally, I am bare faced at work (wasn't about to tell her that I had just been for an interview at my now current school!)
Had to put make up the other week at work. One of the major downers with a miscarriage (are there any pros?) is that your skin reaches new depths of white. Paul often jokes that you can see through his skin, it is that white- kind of like a lizard that only comes out at night. Well, pasty through shock and blood loss is not something that parents really need to see. Children take you as you are. You could come in wearing a black bin bag- they might raise an eyebrow but they don't particularly care as long as you are their normal teacher and you act in a way to which they are accustomed. The kids reactions on seeing me in make up were priceless- declaring me a model.
Right now, I look and feel anything but a model. A friend of mine keeps demanding that I take care of myself. That is something I really need to do... soon...when I feel a little more human! My skin is shocking- constant spots, rashes and blotchiness. The onslaught of hardcore hormones since November last year has taken a toll on my skin big time. It's probably a mixture of the hormones and that wonderful exhaustion that comes with pregnancy and post miscarriage. That complete fog where you can't physically do anything let alone cook proper food. I think I have cooked one proper meal since January. It is now March. Living on a diet of convenience food is really terrible- I have ballooned too! Had a bit of a surprise when they weighed me for the op- if we do go the IVF route, I will have to shift some weight before then.
I can't wait to feel like me again. The deputy head, I think, thought me mad when I said I couldn't wait for my periods to restart. I haven't had one since October last year and I cannot wait until my body gets back to normal. Normal mood swings. One or two spots for a couple of days. A bit of bloating. It is pretty damn gutting when your body makes huge changes and all for nothing. I think one of the biggest changes is in your boobs. At Christmas, two days after I miscarried for the third time, I rolled over in bed and realised that my boobs didn't hurt anymore- made a joke about it with Paul and then burst into tears. This time, I was desperate for my boobs not to hurt anymore. It just seemed like a cruel trick of nature for my body to still think it was pregnant even though everything was over.
So, my thoughts about getting my face back... I have an app on my iPhone that trains you for a 5K run. I ran a 5K race in Hyde Park a few times- it was good fun even though I really can't run. I look a little like a rubber chicken and with big boobs- I really wasn't built for running. Time to give it a go. Shift some of the extra weight and get the endorphins running. I am also very tempted by a flamenco class in Greenwich. Just have to start becoming Sarah again.
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